Lullaby
by dreamgore
Summary: AU to Unblinking Eyes. Evelyn arrives in Forks at a foster home after her parents death and her brother's disappearance. Her mind is like a fortress- that is, until she meets Seth. As the mysteries of her life unfold around her, will the harshness of reality be too much?
1. Chapter 1: The Feather Girl

_**A/N: This story has themes of violence, horror, self harm, rape (not explicit and only mentioned), and sex (again, not explicit).**_

 **This story is in an Alternative Universe to my other story, Unblinking Eyes. It is based on my OCs and the relationships between them, and you do not have to read that story to understand this one.**

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 **Chapter One: The Feather Girl**

The air was hot and tasted bitter in my mouth. It tasted of metal; of blood. I could feel eyes on me as it happened- as the proceedings went down with the slam of a hammer. Dust swirled in my lungs. My body felt weak- like I was just a pile of bones and skin.

"Miss Hund!" Called out the judge, but it was done. I couldn't be in there any more. I couldn't bare their words on my brother, on my parents.

It was silent and I pushed open the door, walking out into the hall. I ran to the nearest bathroom and locked myself in, throwing up in the toilet. Not that there was much to throw up. I was rotting. Rotting from the inside out.

I braced myself against the cool wall, my eyes closing as I tried to breathe. Pieces came back to me in slivers. There was my brother... his parting words... his crazy blue eyes.

"They're not dead, Evelyn! They're not dead! I know it! You've given up- you always give up so easily! They're not dead!"

"Evelyn?" Came a voice outside the stall and my eyes flickered open.

"I'm fine." I said gently, though my voice was heavy.

"Alright." Said the female voice, and I knew it was my social worker. "I'll be outside." The door closed behind her and I sighed, sliding down onto the cold tile floor.

I could hear them. All their voices stuck in my head. Some of them were quiet- like a lullaby- whereas others were demanding and screaming. For so long now I thought I might have been the only sane one in my family... but I don't know if that's true any more.

"It's a nice place, Evelyn. And only an hour's drive from your grandparents. I'm sure June can take you there sometimes." Said Mary, who was my social worker. She was a thin woman with dark skin and black hair that stuck up around her head artfully. She always had this glow about her and it seemed everyone liked her. "Near the sea, too. Do you like the sea?"

"Go on then. Jump."

I nodded, looking at the brochure in my hands.

"It's going to be alright, Evelyn." Mary told me softly, and I glanced up, seeing her gentle brown eyes were gazing at me. We were in my temporary housing- part foster home, part hospice in down town Seattle. I hated it here. The paintings they put on the walls were too bright and the bed was too hard. The walls were a light grey like a prison cell, but I could imagine they were once white, and the small window looked down onto a scraggly garden of weeds.

Mary told me I'd have my own room. The house was large, and only took in special cases. I didn't know if that meant it was filled with difficult children and insane teenagers. But I supposed I would fit into that criteria.

We left Seattle Friday morning and I was relieved to see the back of it; but also terrified about Forks. Mary drove her blue Golf there and she played R&B music the whole ride. I twisted my palms in the back seat, my mind constantly going to my brother. Logan. He shouldn't be on my mind. He shouldn't. I tried to cast him out but he was a ghost. His words rolled over again and again, begging me to say them out loud, to voice his never-ending existence in my head.

I hated him. There had been a time when he protected me, but now he was looking for them, believing they were still alive.

I reached down to my ankle, pulling up my legging so I could get to the elastic band that was there. My eyes were trained on the mirror, making sure Mary wasn't looking at me.

Pang.

I breathed out in relief, snapping the elastic again and again, the hot pain springing up my ankle. I pushed my legging back down, sitting back, thinking only of the pain. Logan gently flickered away for now.

The car came to a stop a few hours down the line and I looked out my window to see a rather ordinary house. It was red bricked with white window sills and a veranda out front. There was a twisty tree on one of the front lawns. I glanced up to one of the windows and became still when I saw a girl looking out one of them and down to me. She looked my age, with long mousy brown hair. She looked for a moment longer, and then retreated inside.

"This house is over a hundred years old." Said June, the woman who ran the foster home. "St Claire's Home for Orphaned Children was founded in 1955 by Madam Debourne." She told us as we came into the hallway. June was young- I supposed she was in her early thirties- and she had short red hair which was curled stylishly. She wore robust clothes- dark jeans, a plain t-shirt and a sweater. Her eyes were green and they seemed to glow dimly.

"In 2007 it turned to a house for the more special children, like yourself." Her voice was gentle, but still authoritative. She sounded like a third grade teacher. "You've got a nice room," she continued, and we began up the dark oak stairs to the second floor. Everything was so clean. There was a chandelier over the hallway and it captured what little sun rays there were. The floor was wooden and I could hear every footstep we made. Mary was behind me, bringing up my small suitcase.

June opened the door at the end of the hallway on the right and led me into it. It was small but had a peaked ceiling and a window with a seat. There was a single bed to the side, an empty bookcase and a desk near the window. The room felt cold and unusual, and I wondered how many other orphaned children had lived in here.

Mary placed my case near the bed and she smiled at me before looking to June. "Evelyn loves to read- she has quite a few books already that can go on those shelves."

"Oh, wonderful." June said, and she looked me to me. "There are books at the school library, but they're not too brilliant. We can get you a card for the library in town."

I breathed in and went over to the bed, sitting down. "How many other children are here?" I asked. I didn't care for a library. All the words in those books would make me suffocate. I was fine with the few I had.

"Seven." June told me, walking to the door. "They are all mostly quite young, but there are a few your age. There's a girl across the hall from you- Catherine. But she tends to stick to herself."

I didn't want to make friends. I just wanted to know so I could deal with the number. I nodded, shuffling back on the bed until I was in the corner.

"Well we've got some things to discuss." Mary told me, and she came over, giving me a smile. "Then I've got to go. Will you be alright?"

"Yes." I said stiffly. "I n-need my allowance soon."

"I know." She said quietly. "Good luck, Evelyn."

She turned, leaving with June, and the door closed behind them.

I finally let it out- the silent sobs took me over. I tried to be quiet, grabbing fistfuls of my blonde hair, the tears dripping from my eyes. My stomach was in knots and I wrapped my arms around myself, rocking back and forth. Through my tears I could see him. Tall, wavy blonde hair, dark blue eyes.

"You're trying to forget me, Evelyn."

"L-leave me alone." I whimpered, pressing myself up to the wall. He edged closer and I could smell him. Blood. He smelt like blood and rust and decaying seaweed. He leant over me and I could feel his hot breath on my cheek.

"I love you, sister. But you're mine. Your mind is mine. No amount of harm to your body can change that." His words were quick and hushed. "I'll be there soon. I'll find our parents and then I'll kill them for what they did to us. Then we can be together; like we were always supposed to be."

Walking in the rain, I huddled under my coat, my hood covering me. It was dark and grey outside, the rain dropping steadily. It was freezing me but the burning cold kept me awake. In my pocket were the few crumpled bills that I had managed to get last night. Ahead, the lights of the gas station brightened the storm. Cars and trucks slugged by. The houses here were squatted and grey, rain flooding down the slanted roofs and streaming down the road. The shops were dull and the coffee shop sold bitter drinks. I couldn't bare to think what the school would be like.

Finally, I got into the gas station, pulling down my hood. I sighed, walking through, passing the drab shelves of canned meat and packets of chips. A few people were in there and they glanced at me as I walked up to the counter.

A Native American man looked up to me from reading a newspaper. "Can I help you?" He asked, and his voice was rich and heavy. His hair was tied up in a pony tail and there were dark freckles spotted over his leathery face.

"A packet of Marlboro please." I said, pulling out my money from my pocket. He narrowed his eyes.

"ID?"

I pressed my lips together, faking annoyance, and pulled my fake ID out of my deep coat pocket. He looked at it and upon seeing I was 'nineteen', he shrugged and handed it back to me before grabbing the packet of cigarettes. I gave him the money, and then they were mine. I thanked him with a quiet nod, and then I turned to leave.

There was a boy there behind me, a crate in his hands. His black hair was dripping wet, tiny rivers moving over his brown skin, his black parka shiny with wetness. His brown eyes were on me and they were intense and wide, and for a moment I was lost, truck with the closeness of him. A shiver ran all the way up my spine, and I quickly scurried by, out into the rain as I pulled up my hood. Holding the cigarettes close to me, I rapidly walked around the gas station to go down to the river nearby. There was a small bridge and with relief I went under it.

Shaking hands found the lighter in my pocket and I flicked it on. A warm amber glow lit before my eyes and it wavered in the wind, which dulled under the bridge. I hastily pulled up a cigarette and lit it, breathing in the ash.

It eased the tightness inside of me. I sat back against the bridge, breathing in the smoke, letting it burn away at my lungs. Finally, I escaped the tornado within me, hovering inside it's calm, quiet centre.

"You're not nineteen." Came a sudden voice and I jumped, dropping the cigarette as I looked over to the source with wide eyes.

It was him. He was no longer holding the crate and his hair was spiky with moisture. He came forward, and his actions seemed slow, or perhaps it was just me adjusting to the situation. He picked up the cigarette, handing it to me, his eyes darker now under the bridge. Gingerly, I took it from him. He smiled apologetically and stood a few yards from me to my side. "My guess is that you're seventeen."

My eyes fogged and I pulled my knees up to my chest, breathing in the smoke once again. "What are you doing?" I asked, and my voice was so quiet. He glanced over to me, his hands in his jumper pockets.

"Waiting for the rain to stop." He said, and his eyes flickered to the cigarette. "Why are you smoking?"

"I want to." I murmured, looking away from him to the river. I heard him breathe out.

"You're going to catch your death." He said gently and I crossed my arms over myself.

"You are more at risk than I am." I mumbled. He chuckled, and the sound echoed quietly under the bridge. Smoke softly wafted up into the air and for one short moment, I was amazed at how peaceful it was.

"It's kinda beautiful. In a gothic way." He murmured and I glanced over to him, seeing his arms were crossed over his chest. He was all lean muscle; which I could plainly see through his soaked t-shirt. After a moment, he looked to me too. Molten brown eyes hit me and for the longest second I was caught in them. My throat tightened. "Seriously. Do you want a ride home?"

I thought back to the fifteen minute walk it took to get here, and it didn't look like the rain was holding up. That voice inside of me screamed not to. Pressing my lips together, I looked at my knees. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Cause I'm a stranger?" Suddenly he hopped over to me, crouching down to my level. "Okay. I'm Seth, and I'm from the reservation, and I'm a delivery boy. I'm eighteen. Does that ease your mind a bit?"

My eyes glimmered. "I- I just met you."

"I can't leave you here under a bridge while it's pouring with rain. My car has got heating." He gestured over his shoulder. "Do you go to the school here?"

"Not yet." I mumbled, and I instantly regretted saying that. Yes, I'm from the school. I live with my parents who love me very much and I have no siblings. I'm not a monster. I'm not a coward. "I... I will soon."

"Do you live nearby?" He asked, sitting down next to me.

"On the edge of town." I told him, enclosing in on myself. "Look, please don't. Please."

"Why not?" He questioned, tilting his head to the side as he looked at me. Everything inside of me abruptly liquefied and I just gazed at him wide-eyed. He smiled gently. "It's okay. I'll just take you home. Nothing more."

"I can't trust you." I managed to whisper.

"I know."

"Then why-"

"I'm a nice person." He shrugged. "Go on, you're a risk taker if you smoke. So..." He nudged my arm the smallest bit, and I almost jumped.

"I can't." I said quietly, looking down to my cigarette, which was nearly out. "You could be insane. You could be a murderer. You could be a rapist."

"You could be those things too." He said, and I whipped my eyes to him. You could be insane.

I then only felt the weight of the knife in my pocket. I had stolen it from the kitchen this morning, before the cook, Lorna, got in. I watched him for a hard moment, realising that Seth looked normal. A normal teenager with girls probably flocking after him and lots of friends. There was a light in his brown eyes, untainted by the greyness around us.

I could protect myself if the worst was to happen.

"Okay." I mumbled and he beamed. The intensity of his smile shocked me and soon he was on his feet, holding his hand out to me. Swallowing, I took it, and the warmth of his palm astounded me. He pulled me up with little trouble and I stamped out my cigarette. I let go of his hand hastily and he smiled warmly at me.

He turned around, and then he was off. I began after him, my steps careful because it was starting to get muddy. The rain was treacherous and soaked me straight away, leaving me breathless as I tried to get up the bank.

A warm hand was in mine again and I was pulled up before I fell over. Stumbling forward into his chest, I breathed out with relief. I looked up to him and he was already looking down at me, that warm smile on his face. My throat closed up again and I walked away from him to the parking lot near the gas station. He gestured towards his car, which was family sized and blue. We ran towards it and he unlocked it. I opened the passenger door and then I was away from the rain.

Droplets fell down my cheeks and I brushed them away as he clambered in too. He was long limbed and the seat was far away from the steering wheel so he was comfortable. The car smelt of freshly baked bread and I looked around, my stomach cramping with hunger.

He started the car and the heating went on. I was shivering at this point and so we stayed there, silent, for a moment as it heated up. Soon the air was warm and I started to dry. Seth let out a sigh of relief and grinned at me before pulling out of the parking lot.

"What's your name?" He asked as the car got onto the road, the windscreen wipers going steadily back and forth. The rain was a haze in front of us.

"Evelyn."


	2. Chapter 2: Howling Shadows

**A/N: Thanks so much for the review! Yeah I'm only a few chapters ahead right now ;_; hopefully I won't get writers block :'D**

 **Jsyk: I've coped with themes in this story myself, so I hope it didn't come across that I'm** **romanticising** **them.**

 **Ty!**

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 **Chapter Two: Howling Shadows**

I made a constant note of the knife in my pocket, feeling it poking me in the side as Seth drove. He quietly hummed as the car moved in the rain. My heart was beating rapidly and I tried to look at the streets- to see if I recognised them- but I didn't. There was too much rain and it formed a fog barrier in front of us.

Needless to say, I was terrified. My muscles were tightened and I was barely breathing. After a few minutes, he glanced over at me, concern in his eyes.

"Evelyn? What's wrong?"

My throat was so constricted that I couldn't talk. I bit my lip and looked down, away from him.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He said, and his voice was quiet. "What's the house name?" He questioned, and at the query my eyes widened. I stared out the window.

 _Well, you're going to have to tell him._

"S-St Claire's Home for Orphaned Children." I said, and it was nothing more than a whisper. I could almost _hear_ his intake of breath and I bit so hard into my lip that I tasted blood.

"One of my friends... he works there as the janitor."

I turned, studying him, seeing if he was making fun of me. He glanced at me and his eyes were warm and a bit sad. Wavering questions were in them, but I made no move to answer any of them. Looking back around to the window, I pressed my palm to the fabric outside my pocket, making sure the knife was still there.

The car travelled down the windswept and rainy street. Brown leaves fluttered up into the air, sticking to the wind shield before they were swept away. I breathed through my nose, which was filled with the smells of rain, baked bread and _him._ Finally, the car came to a stop outside the largest house on the street. The front porch light dimly glowed in the fog.

I reached for the door, but his hand was suddenly around my wrist. Startled, I jumped back, snatching my wrist away from him.

"I-I'm sorry." He quickly said, his eyes wide as he leaned back, seemingly startled as well. "You... be careful, okay? If they find those cigarettes... God knows what they'll do."

"I know." I said quietly. "Thank you." I told him, my eyes becoming a bit more gentle. He smiled.

"You can always come to the rez... I'm sure I'd see you around. It isn't a big place." His words were careful, as if each syllable was something that could harm me. To ease him, I nodded.

"Okay. Bye." I whispered breathlessly. Opening the door, I pulled up my hood, and I walked out into the storm, huddling under my coat. I ambled around the front of the car quickly, my feet careful on the wet ground. I ran up the path to the threshold and I glanced around to the car, seeing him wave and smile. I waved back a little and then retreated inside, sighing in relief.

"Evelyn!" Came an exclaim and I sighed again. This time, it wasn't in relief. June came running down the stairs, her red hair messy, her skin pale and her eyes frantic. "Where were you?!"

"I... I had to go on a walk." I mumbled. She narrowed her eyes.

"No going out without telling me exactly where you are. You need your cell phone on you and you need to call me every half an hour. Do you remember me telling you that?"

"Yes." I said weakly.

"Where did you go?" She asked, and her voice was more calm now.

"I... just went around. And when the rain started I ran back."

"I could hear a car outside."

I let out a breath, walking past her and to the stairs. "Someone gave me a ride home."

"Evelyn." Her voice was low now, and I faced her, seeing her arms were crossed and her eyes were dark. "Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"He was from the reservation..." I pressed my lips together with anxiety. "About my age. Nothing happened."

"Good luck on your soul nothing happened!" She sighed, shaking her head. "Go to bed, Evelyn. You're grounded for three days."

I nodded meekly, quietly going up the stairs. Walking down the corridor, I saw that the door across from mine was open. I approached my own, glancing to the other. All of the sudden, I saw a flash of grey eyes and brown hair, and the door slammed shut.

A pang of pain hit me, and I walked into my room, closing the door.

I pulled my shoes and coat off, bringing the knife out from the pocket and placing it under my pillow for now. As for the cigarettes... I looked around my room for a place to hide them. Eventually I stashed them behind the wardrobe.

" _You shouldn't smoke, Evelyn."_

I glanced around, my breaths becoming quiet at the voice. A wavering image of Logan was there. His blonde hair was all tousled and his eyes were dark. He wore baggy jeans and a t-shirt which showed how thin he was underneath. I could see his ribs... the veins in his neck. His cheeks were hollow.

And I was a child again.

" _Evelyn!" He whispered, grabbing me and pulling me under the bed. The shouts continued downstairs, growing ever louder. I sobbed and he hugged me, his thin arms wrapped around me. "It's okay." He whispered, kissing my head. "It's okay. I'll protect you. You've just got to stay quiet."_

We hadn't eaten for five days at that point. I remembered the searing pain in my stomach of those times, and I sat down on my bed, my eyes wet with tears. Logan looked distant and childlike. Heart beating fast, I reached for the band on my ankle. His haunting eyes went wide and he began to shake his head.

" _No... no you can't forget me. I'm the only thing you have! I love you!"_

I pulled and the band snapped. He was gone in an instant and I fell back on my bed, the tears rolling down the sides of my face.

There was a boy called Dan who lived in the foster home. He was my age- maybe a few months younger. I didn't see him until the morning when I had to go to school. It was two days after my 'incident'- as June liked to call it.

I had thought the other girl would come with us, but her door remained shut as always. I didn't ask questions, because I knew I wouldn't want people asking questions about me.

I stood at the school gates, my hands around the strap of my satchel. My ears vibrated with the sounds of chatter and my throat went dry.

I hadn't been to school in years.

Memories of school burnt behind my eyes. They weren't good memories... but not many of mine were. I could feel people watching me and so I hurriedly walked along, enclosing in on myself.

I hoped things would be different. I hoped and prayed that everyone would just ignore me. Sadly, that couldn't happen. I was the new kid. People smiled and tried to talk to me, but I wasn't good at it. I felt like there was a knife pressed up to my back as I spoke quietly. I was being forced into this.

I had to suck it up and welcome the pain. Trying to relax, I let Dan give me the tour of the school, before walking us to our English class. It seemed most of our classes were together, which I knew had been orchestrated by the foster home.

Dan had pale brown hair and hazel eyes which glinted in different colours depending on the light. He walked around smoothly, gliding down the hallway, smiling and talking to people as he went.

"You should think of joining a club, Evelyn." He smiled, glancing around to me. "We've got lots. Hiking club... photography club... badminton club-"

"Um... That's not really my thing." I said, my cheeks turning pink. He smiled gently.

"Alright. In your own time, I guess." He then came to stop at a door, which he opened for me. Cautiously I stepped inside and Dan closed the door behind us. Everyone turned to stare at us and I felt like melting into a puddle.

"Mr Drace, this is the new student- Evelyn Hund." Dan said to the teacher and I looked to the man who was at the front of the classroom. He was a greying man wearing a green gridded vest. He glanced up to me and I walked forward quickly, handing him my papers.

"Ah, you're from the girl from Tacoma." He smiled at me. "You can sit with Dan there." He pointed to the window, where two vacant desks were. Dan smiled and went to sit down, gesturing towards the seat with a grin.

Pink cheeked, I stumbled down the aisle, sitting down with a quiet thump. For a moment I was completely still, my body rigid with fear and anxiety. Then, after Mr Drace started to talk, I unstrained a little and started to take notes.

It wasn't too complicated. Despite not being in school for a while, I found the work surprisingly easy. I was a quiet worker, and I hardly said anything the whole lesson. Dan kept talking to me, though, about the school and my lessons. My mind kept going to the bridge in the rain. The feeling of smoke in my lungs. The smell of ash and rust. And with all of those thoughts came him.

Seth. I dipped gently into my fears of that night. The rain howled and Seth's warm brown eyes guided me through the storm.

 _No._

"So, Tacoma?" Dan asked as we stood outside, waiting for June to come and pick us up after the school day had ended. I nodded weakly, lifting my shoulders and pulling in on myself. My lungs ached for some kind of relief.

" _You shouldn't smoke. It's bad for your health. You know you could get cancer, right? Or bad breath. I think bad breath is worse."_

"Did you go up to Seattle a lot?" Dan asked and I looked to him. He was taller than me and very lanky. He smiled kindly.

"No." I murmured. "Where are you from?" I asked, trying to get the subject off me. He breathed in, crossing his arms.

"I don't know really. I was abandoned pretty early on. Wound up in Portland for a while until I came here."

I nodded, looking down to my shoes as I kicked the ground gently. "Why do they say that the home is for special kids?"

"They mean difficult kids. Or... kids with behavioural issues or kids who are sick." He shrugged. "What are you?"

I pressed my lips together, looking to him. "I don't know."

He raised his eyebrows. "You don't know? Didn't they do a test on you?"

"They did... but I never got the results."

"Wow." He shook his head, letting out a chuckle. "You gotta know what's going on inside your head."

"Well... what are you?" Since he had asked me.

He looked sideways at me. "I've got lots of things." He said softly, and I knew he had been asked this before, and so his answer was very thought out. "But what most affects me is bipolar."

Then, the car rolled up and June rolled down her window. She smiled at us. "You two getting along?"

Dan pulled open the door, looking to me, and he gestured for me to get in. I did, rather awkwardly, and he went around, sitting in the back beside me.

"How was your day, Evelyn?" She asked as she began to pull away from the school.

"Okay." I hated it. Really, really did. The girls there looked down on me and the boys were paedophiles. But I wanted June to think everything was good. She might trust me more, then.

I glanced at Dan and he was staring out the window. Of course, he didn't seem like he had issues. But you can never really tell who has depression and who doesn't just by appearances.

We arrived at the house ten minutes later and June pulled around out back. Dan was chatting calmly with June, and as we neared the garage my eyes widened to see a blue car. I bit my lip. Why would he be here? Not for me... right? Oh god, I hope he's not here for me.

Dan and June got out, and after a moments hesitation, I did too. I carefully walked up to the kitchen door with them, my eye looking cautiously to the car. It was definitely his. Memories of hurtling rain and warm skin made my skin prickle.

The kitchen was warm with cooking, and the scent of the air was vibrant and delicious. The chef, Lorna, was a small Native American woman with curly raven black hair. She had to have a stool to get up to the higher cupboards. She stood over a pot of spaghetti and June greeted her cheerily as we went in. I closed the door softly behind us, following Dan out of the room.

Down the hallway were some voices and I went rigid at the sound of him. Why was he here? He was talking to someone. Dan went up the stairs and for a moment I just wanted to run up after him and hide in my room.

But the moment passed too quickly. Seth looked around and for a second he was silhouetted by the light coming in through the windows at the front of the house. My eyes adjusted and he was bounding towards me, a grin on his face.

"Evelyn!"

"Wh-what-"

There was another boy- he was just as tall but bulkier. He had inky oil all over his t-shirt and on his hands.

"I had to bring some stuff for Paul." Seth explained. Paul nodded, giving me what I _thought_ was a smile before he pushed past us. Seth just smiled, shaking his head. "He doesn't like the fact that he needs me."

"Shut up." Paul snapped as he went to the sink, washing the oil off his hands. He then sighed, walking past us again and up the stairs and into the bathroom.

"The shower's broken." Seth said, gazing up the stairs after the other boy. "I don't know what he's trying to do. Best to leave him alone."

I nodded shyly, stepping towards the stairs.

"Evelyn?"

Glancing around, I saw his eyes were wide and warm. "Do... you want to go on a walk?"

Biting my lip, I tied my palms in front of me. "I'm grounded." I said gently. "But I..." My throat grew tight. "I... I don't think June will mind..."

He beamed. "That's great."

"Um... let me put my bag in my room." I quickly said, my voice quiet. I spun around, stepping up the stairs quickly and drifting into my room. I stuffed my bag under my bed and pulled out the cigarette's from behind my closet, jamming them in my coat pocket. I checked how I looked in my pocket mirror which was on my desk. It was an old thing and partly cracked in the corner, but I remembered my mother using it sometimes.

I was pale as ever. My eyes were shadowed, wide and sea-coloured and my hair tumbled down my shoulders in disorganised blonde waves. I looked so thin. Disgusted, I put the mirror down and wrapped my arms around myself, walking out into the hallway.

The door to the girl's room- Catherine- was open. Standing still, I cautiously peered in. All over the walls were drawings... some were beautiful, but most of them were terrifying. Wolves ripping apart humans... people licking cuts on their wrists... they were everywhere.

I heard a bang from the bathroom and it made me jump. Looking around, I saw the girl standing on the landing, her hair parted down the middle and pin straight, falling in front of her. She wore a dark dress that went down to her knees and her grey eyes were stormy. Eyes wide, I quickly walked past her, stumbling down the stairs.

"Are you okay?" Came Seth's voice and I looked up hastily, seeing he was now wearing a jumper. Though I felt like I was going to implode with nerves, I nodded. He smiled. "Okay. Let's go." He turned, walking up the corridor. I cautiously followed him, sticking behind him instead of actually walking beside him. He opened the front door, stepping aside for me. I shuffled through, looking around to him as he closed the door behind him.

"You're more trusting today." He said as he fisted his hands in his pockets, walking beside me down the path.

"Maybe I don't want to deal with homework right now." I said, crossing my arms in front of me. Shivers ran up and down my arms, and I hid a wince against the cold. Seth smiled and we got to the end of the path. He took us down the side walk, sauntering with his long legs. He looked at ease, lucid and calm. The air was fresh after the immense amount of rain we recently had. Water thundered down the drain at the end of the road and we stood over it, watching the rain disappear into the ground.

I yawned quietly into my hand and Seth looked to me. "You tired?"

"I barely sleep." I murmured, rubbing my eyes.

"It must be scary... being in a new place." He said gently.

"Everything is scary." I whispered and I felt it in the back of my mind. Wincing, I pushed the thoughts away, turning around. Behind us was the forest which seemed to be everywhere. Carefully, I stepped over the bushes and started to go in.

"Evelyn? It's wet- you could slip." Seth warned me, but I could hear him follow.

"I..." I tried to breathe in, and I became still. "I need to get away sometimes." I whispered, bracing against a tree. I winced. _Not now. Please, not now._ Seth came up beside me, his eyes wide.

"What's wrong? What do you need?"

"S... smoke-" It helped me forget. Sometimes the elastic band wasn't enough.

He sighed, shaking his head gently. "Okay." He murmured. Then, suddenly, his hand was in my coat pocket. He pulled out the cigarettes... but also the knife that I had taken to school. He studied me, confused.

"And you were worried about me being a murderer."

My eyes moistened and I quickly took it from him, stuffing it back in my pocket. Me, a murderer? I... the thought of being something so horrible made me feel faint. "I... I needed protection..."

"From me?" His voice sounded strained, as if I had hurt him.

I supposed I had.

"I don't know you." I said quietly, looking up to him, fear lighting in my heart. But it wasn't the fear that he was going to hurt me. It was my fear that he was going to leave. His eyes became horribly sad.

"Evelyn." He said gently- far too gentle for my own good. "Believe me, please." His voice went to nothing above a whisper. "I would _never_ hurt you."

Tears came into my eyes. "S... so many people have said that before..."

"Which people?" He pressed, coming a little closer. I closed my eyes in remorse, walking away from him, down the bank more.

"Bad people." I murmured, holding onto the trees as I hiked down. He quickly came after me.

"I'm not a bad person." He promised, and I looked to him, seeing his eyes were pleading. "Please, Evelyn. Believe me. I like you."

The breath went out of my lungs and my pulse jumped. _No no no no no no no no. You're already promised to someone, Evelyn. You are already someone's. You can't do this..._

I reached over, taking one of the cigarettes from the pack. I tried to breathe as I walked down to the river. It was overflowing and rushing. I sat on a boulder quite far away and I lit the cigarette, my wet eyes looking at the water.

Seth flopped down beside me. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

"No... you didn't." I whispered, pulling my legs up to my chest. I looked to him, wiping the tears from my eyes. "I'm... just very messed up." With a shaking hand, I lifted the cigarette to my lips.

"Don't worry about it." He spoke softly. I pressed my lips together, trying to will away the tears. Why do I always cry? It was like there was something in me screaming to get to the surface. I didn't understand what it was. "Why are you so scared?" He whispered. Sorrows that bleached my life returned, spilling like chilled water down my spine. My heart gave an oceanic lurch.

"I have to be."

"Why?"

"Seth..." I shook my head lightly. "You're a nice person. You seem genuine and kind. I don't want you getting caught up with me."

"Look... let's be friends. Okay? And... if it makes you trust me more... why don't you come and meet my mom?"

I gazed to him with wide eyes. "Me?" It seemed so sudden. You don't just take a girl you randomly met under a bridge to see your mother. I briefly wondered what his motives were before he replied.

"Of course." He smiled. "I don't hang about, Evelyn."

"Obviously." I murmured. "I'm grounded... I don't know if June will let me go that far."

"She knows me. Well, she knows Paul. I'm sure she'd be happy about it." He nudged my arm a little bit, a grin on his face. "I bet she'd be thrilled that you're making friends."

"Seth... I don't know if your family would like me-"

"They will. Well, it will just be my mom. My dad passed away a few years ago and my sister... well she's a recluse." He lifted his shoulders.

"I'm sorry about your dad." I said softly.

"Don't be." He sat back on his palms, looking to the forest. "He was a great guy." He glanced over to me. "Where are your parents?" He asked, and his voice was cautious.

"They're dead." I said, and the words sounded blunt and cruel. Gazing over the river, I sighed softly. "About two months ago they died."

"Jeez. I'm sorry."

"They weren't very good parents." I murmured.

"I bet they loved you, though. Right?"

"I'd like to think they did. At one point."

We walked through the forest together. The floor was damp with fallen leaves and mud. The bark on the trees was wet. Dripping rain reminded me of childhood- when I liked to dream of running away into the night, the ground dewy beneath my feet.

Seth didn't ask any more questions about my parents. I didn't know if he was being courteous or waiting for me to tell him things myself. That wouldn't happen. I still didn't trust him; no matter what he said. I didn't trust any one.

"June will probably want me back now." I told him, looking around to him. He was quiet, and I quickly realised why. I had scared him. All my earlier statements came tumbling forward. The knife... my personality... it was too much. Even I could barely handle it. "If... if you don't want to see me again, I'll understand."

He looked to me quickly, his dark eyes becoming wide. "What? No- Evelyn. I'm just... I'm so sorry about all that's happened to you."

"But you barely know what's happened to me."

"It's made you this scared. It must be pretty bad." He gazed down to his hands. "I wish I could make it easier." He murmured.

"Don't." I said, taking a step towards him, my muscles becoming rigid. "Seth. These aren't burdens for you to carry. I really don't want you to feel like you need to make me better."

"I don't want you to delve into self hatred." He said, and his voice was painfully clear. I felt the burns on my ankles and wrists and I cast my gaze away. "Paul... he knows that girl... Catherine. She's... well, she hates herself. And she's been alone for so long. I don't want you to be alone. And you won't if you're with me."

I rubbed my eyes, nodding slightly. "Okay."

"Okay? You're going to let me?" He sounded surprised. I looked up to him and nodded, feeling my nose sting with tears. A great big grin flourished on his face, and, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I could feel myself smile the smallest bit too.


	3. Chapter Three: Sick Children

**A/N: To K, who left two very lovely reviews on my stories: thank you so much! :D I'm glad you like them. And thank you for congratulating me XD :)**

 **So I haven't written much beyond this chapter, and so it may take a little while until the next update. But if you follow this story (or me), then you will be notified about the next chapter via e-mail :D**

* * *

 **Chapter Three: Sick Children**

 _Believe me, Evelyn. I like you._

I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom, those words echoing through my head. His voice was so soft. It was like the thought was a bell ringing in the distance. It gave me hope.

This was breaking me. Slowly, painfully slowly, but with each piece that came off I could breathe better.

" _I'll find them soon."_ Came Logan's voice, which was a whisper in my ear. _"And then we can be together. Promise me we'll be together, Evelyn. Please. I need you. Don't let anything come between us. Tell me you love me. I know you do."_

My throat was tight, as if a fist was around it. Tears bubbled up in my eyes, falling down my temples. "I-I-"

" _Tell me."_

"I- I l-love you."

I could feel his breath on my cheek, and the pressure lessened.

" _I'll be there soon, sister."_

"Hey Evelyn." Dan greeted as I walked out the house in the morning. I had downed my beanie on my head and wrapped my coat around myself again.

"Hi." I said quietly, standing next to him on the porch as we waited for June. "Is... Catherine coming?" I asked cautiously, glancing to him. He breathed in deeply, crossing his arms.

"I'd be surprised. Cathy likes to be alone." He sighed, and his breath was visible in the cold air. "Who'd you disappear with yesterday?"

I grimaced, letting strands of hair fall into my eyes. June had been kind of angry about me going, but I assured her it was good for me to get out in the fresh air.

"Paul's friend, Seth." I mumbled, twisting my hands together.

"Reservation guys?" Dan let out a chuckle. I glanced to him, my eyes wide. He dug his hands into his jeans pockets, giving me a look. "They're renown womanisers. All six-foot-fifty and as hench as the hulk."

"So you're saying Seth just wants to get into my pants?" I asked, and my voice went wobbly. Dan's hazel eyes became soft.

"I'm not saying they're all the same." He told me, glancing around when June's voice came through the door. "But... you know what dudes can be like."

"You're a... dude." I cringed at the word. He laughed, and his laughter sounded bright.

"You're right- I am. But I'm messed up. I sit at my desk doing algorithms all day instead of picking up girls."

"That's not a bad thing." I tried to assure him. He gave me a soft smile and then June ran past me, her hood over her head and her wild red hair in tangles around her face.

"Come on!" She exclaimed and we walked out in the rain after her, getting into the car before the downpour really started.

I hated school.

My mind was as crowded as the hallways and the greyness of it all made me feel insane.

I sat on the bench in the backyard of the house. It was down the lawn, behind a big oak tree, overlooking the forest and the mountains in the distance.

I had thought about lighting a cigarette, but it was too risky so close to the house. The air was still but cold. My breath could be seen before me and my hands were tightly pressed together on my lap.

"Evelyn." Came a voice and I looked around, seeing Mary come down the dewy grass, her hands in her coat pockets. I pressed my pale lips together, looking down at my hands as she sat next to me. June must have called her down from Seattle. "Evelyn, why did you bring a knife to school?"

The cold fluttered in me and I breathed out steadily, my hands curling into fists.

" _Can you please hang up your coat, Miss Hund?" Asked the teacher. I looked at him icily from my table where I had just sat down, my coat on my lap._

" _I'm fine." I said quietly. He frowned._

" _I'm asking you to hang your coat up. It's a safety precaution. You should have left it in your home room."_

 _I could feel their eyes on me. Like tiny needles, they gently began to pierce my skin. My ankles and wrists suddenly burned._

 _Swallowing hard, I stood from my seat, stepping over to the coat hangers. The teacher suddenly held out his hand and my eyes widened, taking a step away from him. He rolled his eyes._

" _You're hiding something, Miss Hund, and I don't like it." He abruptly snatched my coat and I gasped, trying to grab it back. Within moments his hand was in the pocket and he withdrew the knife. It gleamed in the fluorescent light and my heart hammered in my chest._

"They were talking about you being suspended. _Expelled._ Evelyn, after all we've been through... why would you do this?" Mary's voice resonated disappointment. I felt the tears fill my eyes and I sniffed, still looking at my hands, watching my knuckles turn white.

"They were going to hurt me. They were all going to hurt me." I whispered. "Logan..."

"Are you having nightmares again? I thought they stopped. The medication-"

"I didn't want to take it. I needed to see him." I hastily brushed the tears away.

"Oh, Evelyn." Mary said gently, and a hand was placed on my shoulder. "I'm here now. You can tell me all that's been going on. Do you not trust June enough to tell her anything?"

"No." I breathed, hugging my knees. "She's so hasty. And so busy. Not... that you're not busy." I glanced to her and she smiled sadly. Mary had a motherly like quality to her that always made me want to trust her.

"What has Logan been telling you?" She asked quietly. I sat back on the bench, pulling my knees up to my chest. She couldn't know that I had been _seeing_ him. Not just dreaming any more.

"He says he'll find me." I murmured, rubbing my nose. "S-so I had to be careful," I felt a sob growing, "a-and I needed to keep myself safe."

"Evelyn, if you ever don't feel safe, tell someone. Tell June. Call me." She rubbed my shoulder gently. "I think it would be good if you take a few days off school. Just to relax a bit. This has all been a bit too much."

I nodded, brushing my hair out of my eyes. "They've suspended me, haven't they?"

"Well, yes." Mary chuckled lightly. "But I'm off over there now to sort it out. Do you want to go in for dinner?"

"I... think I'll have a bath." I mumbled, wrapping my arms around myself.

"That's a good idea." She then stood, holding out her hand for me. I gently took it and she pulled me up onto my feet. She smiled sadly at me again, and then pulled me in for a hug.

My chest tightened with sadness. My own mother never hugged me... not from my memory. I could feel her heart beat. The tears flooded my eyes again, and I let them fall.

I lay submerged under the water, feeling the burning sensation in my lungs. My head felt so full. I could still hear the gasp and the shouts from the teacher. The hatred and mistrust in their eyes. I felt all of the burning. It travelled down my limbs, like small bursts in my veins.

I had taken a knife into school. I was going mad. I could feel myself losing my sanity. It was like this dull pain in the back of my head. It ebbed along, and I never really noticed it.

Hands were on my shoulders, pushing me down further into the water. My eyes fluttered open and I screamed when I saw my brother over me, pressing me down. His hands gripped onto my skin, his blunt nails digging in. Bubbles came from my mouth as I screamed and I pushed my hands up, trying to stop him.

Then it was over. I broke the surface and he was gone. Gasping in the air, I could see big dots all around me. My vision was tinted red and I gripped the edges of the bath, sucking in air as I pulled myself out and onto the floor.

I curled up, alone, naked, on the ground. My heart beat became steady after a few minutes. Shivering, I curled up tighter, squeezing my bones until my skin was dry.

I pulled a towel around me and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door as quietly as I could behind me. It was night time now, and all the others were in bed. Turning around, I became still when I saw Catherine at her door. She was watching me, her grey eyes distant.

"C-can I help you?" I asked, and my voice was hoarse. She just pressed her lips together and turned around, closing her door behind her.

I heaved a sigh, hurrying to my room, closing the door behind me. I dressed as quickly as I could and then sat on the edge of my bed, breathing in deeply.

" _You need to try and make some friends, Evelyn. I know it's hard, and it's easier to be alone..." Mary sighed as she stood by the front door with me. "But I think it would really help. It will distract you, and that's not a bad thing."_

Make friends. I never really had friends. Maybe at kindergarten... but my mother always scared them away. Logan... Logan didn't want me to have friends.

I winced at the thought of him and settled myself down for a sleepless night.

"Paul?" I asked the next morning after everyone else had gone to school. Paul had just come in and he was sorting through something in the cupboard under the stairs. He glanced to me as I stood in the middle of the hallway. I was wearing a too-big jumper which engulfed me and dark jeans, along with my comfiest socks.

"Yeah?" He grumbled as he pushed a box onto the shelf.

"Have... you seen Seth lately?" I pulled the cuffs of my sleeves over my hands with anxiety.

"Seth? Er... yesterday." He shrugged. "Why, do you want to see him?" He looked at me, and there was a sort of mocking smile on his face. My cheeks heated and I looked down to the floor.

"Is he at school?"

"No. He won't be."

I gazed up to him. "Why?"

"Ask him yourself." He grinned slightly at me, closing the door to the cupboard. He brushed his hands on his jeans. "I need to go back and grab some things." He glanced up the stairs and I followed his eyes to see he was looking to Catherine's door.

I softened, walking over to him, gazing up the stairs as well. "Do you know her?"

He breathed in deeply and then let out a sigh, looking over to me. "Let's go."

"I'll leave a note." I quickly ran over to the phone. June was out grocery shopping still, and I knew she'd blow a fuse to see I had disappeared again. I wrote the note swiftly and then I ran upstairs to grab my shoes.

I stared at the cigarettes in my hand, and, sighing, I stuffed it back in it's hiding place. I pulled on my shoes and then went back downstairs, going outside after pulling on my coat. His car was stalling and paused before closing the door.

The drive was quiet, but I didn't mind it. He put the heating on, which I appreciated, because I always got so cold. My heart was beating fast. I was going somewhere I had never been before. Seeing people I had never met.

It felt like the closer I got to La Push, the further away Logan was.

Paul stopped the car outside of a wooden beach-side house. There were little wind chimes hanging up around them, and they made soothing sounds in the breeze. We stood up from the car and Paul started towards the house. The air smelt of salt and I gazed over to the sea, feeling like it's calmness was soaking in me.

"Evelyn?" Paul called and I quickly made my way over. The door opened all of the sudden and I jumped back. Seth, taller than I remembered, looked to me with surprise.

"Evelyn! What-"

"Oh don't be so surprised, Seth." Paul chuckled, pushing past him. "Knew she'd come around eventually."

I blushed, looking down to my hands. Seth laughed lightly, closing the door and stepping over. I gazed up to him, my heart beating faster.

"Evelyn... why aren't you at school?"

"I-I could ask you the same." I said quietly. He smiled.

"Study leave." He shrugged. "Though... I'm not studying much." He crossed his arms. "Now you."

I pressed my lips together. "I... I got suspended."

His eyes bulged. "Badass! What did you do?"

"Um..." I winced. "Remember... you found that knife?"

"You took a knife to school?" His eyes widened. "Evelyn... why?"

"N-not here." I looked around, feeling like there were people watching me. His eyes softened and he walked down the steps, taking my hand and walking away from the house. Heart thumping like mad, I followed him, marvelling silently at how warm his palm was.

He brought us onto the beach, and he let go of my palm as soon as we hit the sand. Without a word, I slipped off my shoes and stuffed my socks in them, walking lightly down the sand and pebbles. I began to run, and running felt so good. The cold air burnt against my cheeks and my feet dug into the soft ground.

Stopping abruptly at the water, I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply. The sea air lifted my hair and a shiver ran through me.

I could feel him beside me. His warmth was radiating onto me. My eyes flickered open and I glanced over to him, seeing his arms were crossed and his jaw was squared, his eyes on the horizon.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but my voice carried off into the wind.

"I'm..." He sighed. "Sad that you felt threatened enough to take a weapon to school."

I ducked my head, feeling embarrassed. "I don't feel safe anywhere." I mumbled.

"Not even now?"

Glancing to him, I paled. "I don't know."

His eyes closed and I pressed my lips together, feeling like I had just betrayed him. When his eyes opened, they were clearer.

"So... why did you come to see me?"

I stepped back when I felt the water on my toes and I brushed my hair out of my face. "My social worker said it would be good if I made friends."

"Ah."

I looked up to him. "What is it?"

He shrugged, giving me a small smile. "I just don't want to be friends, is all."

He then turned, walking along the water. My heart was fluttering in my chest. He could only be meaning one of two things.

Either Seth didn't like me, or he liked me a lot.

I caught up with him, feeling breathless. My hair tangled wildly in the wind, and I tucked some behind my ear."You don't like me?"

He let out a laugh. "No... I like you more than I should, honestly."

Crap. The breath left my lungs and my cheeks went pink. He paused, smiling softly at me. "Does that scare you?"

"Yes." I whispered. "More than it should." I murmured, repeating his words.

His smile turned sad. "I'm not scary."

"I... know." I murmured, pressing my hands together. He reached out abruptly, taking my hands in his own. Their warmth astounded me. Looking up to him, my heart stammered.

"Are you afraid now?"

My throat tightened. "N-not in a bad way."

I saw him swallow and he bent down a little, pausing a couple of centimetres away from me. "Would... you not like it if I kissed you?"

I couldn't think, gazing at him wide eyed, my mouth hollow of words. I could barely breathe and my body felt weak against him. The tears built up inside of me. His eyes were a dark brown- so soft, so kind. He was everything I had dreamed of as a young girl- a strong man, who could treat me well. Seth was innocent. I could see it stare me straight in the face through his irises. All the things that had happened to me reflected in my own eyes, and I saw that in my heart I was corrupted, whereas he was shining like gold.

Carefully, I slipped my hands out of his, my hair lifting in the breeze around me. My eyes burned with tears. "I-I can't-" I said softly, turning and running up the beach. My heart lurched, as if it was trying to break out my chest, and my lungs ached. All of the sudden, everything was too bright, too loud, and I fell into the sand clumsily.

"Evelyn!" I could hear him shout, but his voice was far-off. I wrapped my arms around myself against the cold, feeling the boniness of my shoulders. A sob stuck in my throat like tar. Warmth spread across my back and Seth fell to my side, his arm around me. "Evelyn." He whispered, and his voice was wandering. I gazed to him, my eyes swimming with tears. A careful, warm hand reached out to brush them away. "I'm sorry." He murmured, and his voice sounded startled and strange. "I'm... I'm so sorry." Gently shaking my head, I sighed, sitting now instead of kneeling. I leaned against him, a little cautious still.

He didn't seem to mind. His arm became a bit tighter around me and I breathed out, trying to rid the tears.

"Tell me." He whispered.

"Seth... you're too good." I shakily said, not daring to look at him. "In m-myself, all I see is badness... but you're so bright. Y-you don't want me."

"I do. I do, very much." His words were determined and my eyes flickered to him. His shone with honesty and I felt my bottom lip wobble. There was a force within me that told me not to trust anyone. That everyone will hurt me in the end. But I had never seen that look in someone's eyes before. That sturdy, wholesome look. The air around me tasted of sweet salt, and in Seth's protective gaze I felt safe.


End file.
